I am currently seeing two doctors One is a Psychologist and one is a Psychiatrist. The psychiatrist has prescribed SEVEN medications. Really?! I feel like every time I open my cabinet I run a pharmacy. I really feel like its beginning to take a toll on me. I am drowsy non stop, I just want to sleep every single day, all day long. I have noticed that I am gaining weight and also crying over every little thing. There is no in between with my emotions. I can get a compliment and I will immediately start bawling my eyes out.
Since starting this new medication I have seen my psychologist twice on emergency visits and I have almost needed to go to the hospital not once but twice due to panic attacks/suicidal thoughts. So I ask… How is this medication helping? I am feeling so defeated and run down. Is this my life? Is this how I am destined to live, non stop rages, non stop crying, non stop sleeping, non stop wanting to die? How could someone not want to kill themselves dealing with that 24/7? I am trying to be strong for the sake of my two little boys because I know they need a mother, but lets be real how much of a mother am I being right now? Constant yelling, constant crying, almost being admitted twice. This is NOT the mother I want to be. I wish I had a fairy godmother who could wave her magic wand and bippity boppity boo this shit gone! ALL of it. So I could just be normal. I haven't been normal in so many years I don't even know what it feels like anymore.
I have realized this is too much. I have an appt with my Psychiatrist this morning to seriously sit down and talk about this pharmacy of medications Im on. It's apparent they aren't working and I need something else, before A) I end up in the hospital or B) I try to commit suicide. They need to take this seriously. A person can only take so much of something before we break.
I know I need a service dog and we are on the ball with that and getting all the paperwork done, maybe my life will be better with the aide of the Psychiatric dog, but please pray or send positive thoughts about my medications. My poor brain has been through enough.
Monday, March 3, 2014
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Saturday, February 22, 2014
Hey Strangers.. and Fellow Insomniacs
It's been so long since I have had the chance to write! I have been so busy with work, being a mom and just..LIFE. Once again I am suffering from insomnia tonight and unfortunately feeling like Im getting a cold. =( Which is the LAST thing on earth I need right now, considering I just got over a cold about a month ago. Another thing that makes it really crappy is that my 6 month old is sick too. It seems we got sick at the exact same time. (Go Figure) So not only am I not feeling good and tossing and turning from body aches, but I can't sleep on top of it.
So I figured I would check in and write a blog! I need to get back into the habit of writing again I have missed it. If you're reading this blog right now.. yes YOU.. join it! I need more followers to spread awareness about bipolar and how we CAN live with it and overcome our really low days. It would be SO much more exciting if I was sitting in the dark, with insomnia writing a blog with hundreds of followers. I dream of that day. I want nothing more than to help others and be a beacon in your storms. You aren't alone in your battles.. people all around the world are going through their own. We need to stand together and become an army.. be WARRIORS and defeat mental illness as a whole.
With that said it's time I try to get to sleep before my wee one wakes up for a bottle.
Be back soon my friends! Until then…
Be your own WARRIOR!
So I figured I would check in and write a blog! I need to get back into the habit of writing again I have missed it. If you're reading this blog right now.. yes YOU.. join it! I need more followers to spread awareness about bipolar and how we CAN live with it and overcome our really low days. It would be SO much more exciting if I was sitting in the dark, with insomnia writing a blog with hundreds of followers. I dream of that day. I want nothing more than to help others and be a beacon in your storms. You aren't alone in your battles.. people all around the world are going through their own. We need to stand together and become an army.. be WARRIORS and defeat mental illness as a whole.
With that said it's time I try to get to sleep before my wee one wakes up for a bottle.
Be back soon my friends! Until then…
Be your own WARRIOR!
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Make time for YOU
Life can get busy, and hectic and fall into a pattern and a schedule. One thing you have to remember is you need a break. You need YOU time. You need to to rejuvenate not only your body but your mind as well. Especially if you are suffering from some type of mood disorder its good every now and then to just let your brain relax and calm down.
In your YOU time you can go to Barnes and noble, get a coffee and read a book, get a massage, get your nails done, or hair cut. Even doing something to better your physical appearance will make your self esteem sky rocket! You could even take a nap, play in the park with your pup. Whatever you do.. just make sure it's what YOU want to do. We all get so lost in the hustle bustle of real life work and home life we always forget to just make sure we are taken care of and that our needs are met.
If you are too the point you are taking on too much and feeling completely overwhelmed take a step back, evaluate your situation. Don't take on too many tasks that will drown you mentally and emotionally. It will NOT help you in anyway, it will only make it worse. Pace yourself and do what workload feels comfortable for you and ONLY you. Don't compare yourself or worry yourself with anyone else. Life isn't a competition.
What Im trying to say is.. pace your work load, make time for you in between so you can recharge your mental battery and have YOU time! Don't wear yourself so thin to the point of a breakdown. Stop it before it even starts. You have the power to do that.
Now go start making a list of all the things you would want to do for yourself and keep them nearby so when you need them.. USE THEM!
Until next time… Be your own warrior!
Much love,
BiPolar Diva
In your YOU time you can go to Barnes and noble, get a coffee and read a book, get a massage, get your nails done, or hair cut. Even doing something to better your physical appearance will make your self esteem sky rocket! You could even take a nap, play in the park with your pup. Whatever you do.. just make sure it's what YOU want to do. We all get so lost in the hustle bustle of real life work and home life we always forget to just make sure we are taken care of and that our needs are met.
If you are too the point you are taking on too much and feeling completely overwhelmed take a step back, evaluate your situation. Don't take on too many tasks that will drown you mentally and emotionally. It will NOT help you in anyway, it will only make it worse. Pace yourself and do what workload feels comfortable for you and ONLY you. Don't compare yourself or worry yourself with anyone else. Life isn't a competition.
What Im trying to say is.. pace your work load, make time for you in between so you can recharge your mental battery and have YOU time! Don't wear yourself so thin to the point of a breakdown. Stop it before it even starts. You have the power to do that.
Now go start making a list of all the things you would want to do for yourself and keep them nearby so when you need them.. USE THEM!
Until next time… Be your own warrior!
Much love,
BiPolar Diva
Monday, February 10, 2014
Feeling Liberated
Yesterday I knew I need a fresh start…I was looking at shoulder length cuts with layers and then I decided nope. Im going to chop it off! ALL of it! I ended up cutting off 13 inches and I am going to be donating it.
My hair was down to the middle of my back and decided I wanted an edgier (punk) look and a bob/layer look. I absolutely love and and I feel so much lighter. It feels so liberating and I feel like a new me is coming out.. So watch out world! ;)
I am glad I decided to donate it because 13 inches is A LOT and I want my new beginning to be someone else's too!
Much love
BIPOLAR DIVA
Thursday, February 6, 2014
Check In...
I just wanted to check in with everyone and let you know I am still alive and well after my attack I had. I did go see my Psychologist and she immediately called my Psychiatrist and they adjusted some medication and hopefully it will help.
My nerves are still on edge and I am still coming down from the panic attack and feeling very fragile but all in all doing ok. I have an appointment tomorrow again with my psychologist to check in and make sure Im alright for the week before I see her again.
If at anytime you feel like hurting yourself or you feel you have no one and you are going down hill you need to admit yourself. There is no shame in taking a break from life and just resting your body and mind. Sometimes we all need a break from reality or our lives to just rest and relax.
I hope you are continuing to fight and be a strong warrior against your mental demons! Remember if you are having a bad day.. it's just a bad day.. NOT a bad life!
MUCH LOVE
BIPOLAR DIVA
My nerves are still on edge and I am still coming down from the panic attack and feeling very fragile but all in all doing ok. I have an appointment tomorrow again with my psychologist to check in and make sure Im alright for the week before I see her again.
If at anytime you feel like hurting yourself or you feel you have no one and you are going down hill you need to admit yourself. There is no shame in taking a break from life and just resting your body and mind. Sometimes we all need a break from reality or our lives to just rest and relax.
I hope you are continuing to fight and be a strong warrior against your mental demons! Remember if you are having a bad day.. it's just a bad day.. NOT a bad life!
MUCH LOVE
BIPOLAR DIVA
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Don't ever self destruct
Last night was horrible for me, emotionally painful and scary. I haven't felt suicidal in 5 years but it came back last night with a vengeance. It started a very emotional day as it was and I think all those emotions and every event just snow balled into each other and lead into a panic attack.
I called my husband at 5pm when I was leaving a client's house (yes I managed to see a client) I couldn't fight it anymore, I was lost, hopeless, drowning in depression and crying… I was lonely. I told him I just can't do it anymore. I can't be a mom, I can't be a wife, Im a horrible friend, (my best friend is upset with me) I guess I should also point out that my husband and I were fighting that day as well.. so I felt doubly rejected when I needed people the most and I had NO ONE. Who can or do you to turn too when the two most important people in your life won't talk too you and you want to die?? They are suppose to be the ones who talk you out of it.. but I had no one. So I felt ok.. no one will care I can do it this time. The boys will be fine, They can live with grandma and be happy as clams, no more crazy mom who yells or cries all the time.
I managed to get home without driving off a bridge or crashing into a light pole and I just collapsed onto the floor and lost it. Crying, shaking, couldn't breathe, I felt I was dying (panic attack) My husband held me. When You have a panic attack and someone you love is near have them hold you EXTREMELY tight.. it helps make the panic attack go away faster.
I managed to calm down enough and I called my Psychologist who advised me to take my anxiety and sleep meds to basically calm my nerves and knock my ass out for the night. I will be seeing her first thing this morning. She said if that didn't work I needed to get my butt to the hospital and she would meet me there. Thankful with the help of my husband, her and the meds I am still home and doing better this morning. I am still very frail this morning and feeling on edge but all in all ok.
The reason I wanted to share this with ALL of you is because I know so many people suffer from type of mental illness and want to commit suicide. Thousands of people commit suicide all the time. Please don't let yourself self destruct. If you ever feel the way I did.. GET HELP! Don't be alone.. being alone is the worst possible thing you can do.. you need to be WITH others who can keep an eye on you. Or if you can't be with others please go immediately to the ER and admit yourself. Don't give into the demons in your head.. You are a warrior who has to keep fighting! Your story isn't over yet! It may seem really really bad… but it won't last forever!
This too shall pass…..
Much Love as always!
BIPOLAR DIVA
I called my husband at 5pm when I was leaving a client's house (yes I managed to see a client) I couldn't fight it anymore, I was lost, hopeless, drowning in depression and crying… I was lonely. I told him I just can't do it anymore. I can't be a mom, I can't be a wife, Im a horrible friend, (my best friend is upset with me) I guess I should also point out that my husband and I were fighting that day as well.. so I felt doubly rejected when I needed people the most and I had NO ONE. Who can or do you to turn too when the two most important people in your life won't talk too you and you want to die?? They are suppose to be the ones who talk you out of it.. but I had no one. So I felt ok.. no one will care I can do it this time. The boys will be fine, They can live with grandma and be happy as clams, no more crazy mom who yells or cries all the time.
I managed to get home without driving off a bridge or crashing into a light pole and I just collapsed onto the floor and lost it. Crying, shaking, couldn't breathe, I felt I was dying (panic attack) My husband held me. When You have a panic attack and someone you love is near have them hold you EXTREMELY tight.. it helps make the panic attack go away faster.
I managed to calm down enough and I called my Psychologist who advised me to take my anxiety and sleep meds to basically calm my nerves and knock my ass out for the night. I will be seeing her first thing this morning. She said if that didn't work I needed to get my butt to the hospital and she would meet me there. Thankful with the help of my husband, her and the meds I am still home and doing better this morning. I am still very frail this morning and feeling on edge but all in all ok.
The reason I wanted to share this with ALL of you is because I know so many people suffer from type of mental illness and want to commit suicide. Thousands of people commit suicide all the time. Please don't let yourself self destruct. If you ever feel the way I did.. GET HELP! Don't be alone.. being alone is the worst possible thing you can do.. you need to be WITH others who can keep an eye on you. Or if you can't be with others please go immediately to the ER and admit yourself. Don't give into the demons in your head.. You are a warrior who has to keep fighting! Your story isn't over yet! It may seem really really bad… but it won't last forever!
This too shall pass…..
Much Love as always!
BIPOLAR DIVA
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
No Motivation Monday
Yesterday was one of those days where I completely shut down and I didn't want to do anything. It was a rough morning and it led to my emotions snow balling out of control later in the day. I sat down during my sons speech therapy and I felt extremely low and depressed. I couldn't get any lower and I started to reflect on people and stuff in my life. What do I expect from others? What do I expect from myself in my life? I think yesterday I truly reached a breaking point with people and things in and around me.
It was something I needed! I take it as a learning experience and I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason in life to teach us things.
I ended up going to a friends house whom I adore and we are growing extremely close. The her son and my son 4 wheeled and her and I baked cookies for ALL the kids! It was really fun. I came home and with my emotions from the morning I completely crashed. I locked myself in my room and went to sleep. ( I had to take an anxiety med earlier) The next thing I knew my husband was waking me up at 5:30 because I had a client at 6! I didn't want to go.. I didn't want to be alive. I didn't care if I had a client! Why would I care if I didn't even care about living anymore.. I begged him to just leave me alone and go away. I wanted to be alone with my dog. He persisted and he got me up. I am thankful he did. I made it on time to my client and we had a great breakthrough with their dog and it actually gave me some energy back. I am so truly thankful for him. If he didn't come in there and ignore my rants and raving towards him I wouldn't have accomplished what I did last night. He knows what's me and what's not me.
I really hope today is better.. It HAS to be better than yesterday!! I am still suffering from med head and I just want it to go away. I am beginning to feel so defeated by feeling this way.. It just needs to stop! I will keep fighting as hard as I can and I hope you do the same!
Keep fighting warriors!
BIPOLAR DIVA
It was something I needed! I take it as a learning experience and I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason in life to teach us things.
I ended up going to a friends house whom I adore and we are growing extremely close. The her son and my son 4 wheeled and her and I baked cookies for ALL the kids! It was really fun. I came home and with my emotions from the morning I completely crashed. I locked myself in my room and went to sleep. ( I had to take an anxiety med earlier) The next thing I knew my husband was waking me up at 5:30 because I had a client at 6! I didn't want to go.. I didn't want to be alive. I didn't care if I had a client! Why would I care if I didn't even care about living anymore.. I begged him to just leave me alone and go away. I wanted to be alone with my dog. He persisted and he got me up. I am thankful he did. I made it on time to my client and we had a great breakthrough with their dog and it actually gave me some energy back. I am so truly thankful for him. If he didn't come in there and ignore my rants and raving towards him I wouldn't have accomplished what I did last night. He knows what's me and what's not me.
I really hope today is better.. It HAS to be better than yesterday!! I am still suffering from med head and I just want it to go away. I am beginning to feel so defeated by feeling this way.. It just needs to stop! I will keep fighting as hard as I can and I hope you do the same!
Keep fighting warriors!
BIPOLAR DIVA
Saturday, February 1, 2014
Always try to find the positive
I have terrible med head once again.. =/ I have to be at work in an hour to help out with volunteers and then I have a group training class. (Something new I started at the shelter) Im struggling to get out of bed this morning. I am so nice and warm under the covers and snuggling up next to my boxer is just amazing. I know what I need to do is just focus on the POSITIVE things for the day and invite the excitement find its way in. 1. First group class. 2. I have a client coming to see how I work with dogs and wanting to possibly adopt a new playmate or their dog and sign up for MORE classes for both dogs. and 3. Going to the shelter and doing what I love to do.. Training and just being around dogs. If you are struggling to get out of bed and even start your day because you are feeling overwhelmed you need to try your hardest to focus on the positives of the day and get your excitement up for that. It's not always easy, but it's always worth a try.
It's a short blog today but I must get ready to start my day. ( I need to get a HUGE coffee on my way to work because of this darn med head) and I have to bundle up.. It's cold today.
Until next time.. be a your own mental warrior! Fight and don't give up!! YOU CAN DO THIS!
BiPolar Diva.
<3
It's a short blog today but I must get ready to start my day. ( I need to get a HUGE coffee on my way to work because of this darn med head) and I have to bundle up.. It's cold today.
Until next time.. be a your own mental warrior! Fight and don't give up!! YOU CAN DO THIS!
BiPolar Diva.
<3
Friday, January 31, 2014
What Does BiPolar Look Like?
No seriously? What does it look like? I get this question a lot from wide ranges of ages. I have had the comment "You sure do laugh a lot and seem happy to suffer from BiPolar, I never would have guessed" Or I have gotten "You just don't look it, I picture someone older, heavier set, bags under their eyes from eyes and sleep loss, but you are active, playing with your kids, taking funny pictures.."
Let me tell you right now.. BiPolar doesn't make you look a certain way!! Yes I am almost 31, tall, slender build (slenderish for having kids) Yes, I laugh a lot and I am a complete dork once you get to know me. Yes I love to take dorky pictures with my friends or even selfies and put them on FB. Just because we don't let our disease take control of our life doesn't mean we don't suffer from it. If someone has been diagnosed with bipolar chances you are on a cocktail of drugs that are balancing out your moods and keeping them level. It's like having diabetes or even HIV if you are on your medication you can live a relatively normal, active, FUN, life. It doesn't mean we sit at home, crying in a dark room. (ok.. well WE do sometimes) But I think you understand what Im trying to say.
We have good days and bad days just like every other person in this world. We have days where we don't want to get out of my pj's and want to sit at home and feel sorry for ourselves and eat out of a tub of ice cream. Those days I choose to spend with it with two men.. "Ben and Jerry"
Then we have days where we feel great and want to get out and do things with our friends and family. Take those fun pictures, laugh and enjoy the times that we do feel good, because we never know how long these periods will last for. We may need those memories to help us get through the bad times when we have them again, because trust me will have them again!!
So remember not everyone looks the same. We all suffer from something going on in our lives. Whether it be finances, depression, diabetes, cancer, HIV, divorces, pain from a car accident. You just never know.. not everyone is suppose to fit into a certain category of an image. Just keep an open mind and don't judge before you walk in someone else's shoes.
MUCH LOVE WARRIORS!
BIPOLAR DIVA
Let me tell you right now.. BiPolar doesn't make you look a certain way!! Yes I am almost 31, tall, slender build (slenderish for having kids) Yes, I laugh a lot and I am a complete dork once you get to know me. Yes I love to take dorky pictures with my friends or even selfies and put them on FB. Just because we don't let our disease take control of our life doesn't mean we don't suffer from it. If someone has been diagnosed with bipolar chances you are on a cocktail of drugs that are balancing out your moods and keeping them level. It's like having diabetes or even HIV if you are on your medication you can live a relatively normal, active, FUN, life. It doesn't mean we sit at home, crying in a dark room. (ok.. well WE do sometimes) But I think you understand what Im trying to say.
We have good days and bad days just like every other person in this world. We have days where we don't want to get out of my pj's and want to sit at home and feel sorry for ourselves and eat out of a tub of ice cream. Those days I choose to spend with it with two men.. "Ben and Jerry"
Then we have days where we feel great and want to get out and do things with our friends and family. Take those fun pictures, laugh and enjoy the times that we do feel good, because we never know how long these periods will last for. We may need those memories to help us get through the bad times when we have them again, because trust me will have them again!!
So remember not everyone looks the same. We all suffer from something going on in our lives. Whether it be finances, depression, diabetes, cancer, HIV, divorces, pain from a car accident. You just never know.. not everyone is suppose to fit into a certain category of an image. Just keep an open mind and don't judge before you walk in someone else's shoes.
MUCH LOVE WARRIORS!
BIPOLAR DIVA
Thursday, January 30, 2014
I should be getting my beauty sleep..
It's almost 10pm and I'm awake. I'm exhausted and I want to sleep but my brain will not turn off once again! My 5 month old is fast asleep next to me and I know I should be doing the same but I can't. I get so frustrated when my body is exhausted but my brain refuses to slow down for the night and just let me get some peace and quiet. These new meds I'm on are suppose to help me with this, but I'm not seeing a difference.. I know it's only been 2 1/2 weeks but I should being something, anything! I'm desperate.
There are nights I could literally cry because I just want to sleep. Do you know how it feels to just go days without sleeping but you physically can't? It's pure torture on your mind, body and emotions. It almost makes you hate yourself more because now you are saying to yourself "Why me? Why can't I just be normal and sleep?" "Why do I have to deal with this?"
So Im sitting here writing this blog and my freaking vision is going blurry and I know I should be TRYING to sleep instead stirring up thoughts in my head by writing. Im literally sitting on my queen sized bed, my son next to me sleeping, my cat curled up next to me on the other side and I'm in the dark staring at this computer screen… yeah that will help me fall asleep alright! Pfft. *rolls eyes* I know I should get off of here but I know as soon as I do I will just get on my iPhone and get on that evil app they call Pinterest!
I guess I should try at least, Lord knows this boy of mine will be up sometime throughout the night to have a bottle.. So really it's like a race against time to sleep! (Oh Im sure that helps my brain relax A LOT)
I hope you guys are sleeping good tonight!
Keep being warriors of your mental illness!
PEACE AND LOVE,
FROM THE BIPOLAR DIVA
There are nights I could literally cry because I just want to sleep. Do you know how it feels to just go days without sleeping but you physically can't? It's pure torture on your mind, body and emotions. It almost makes you hate yourself more because now you are saying to yourself "Why me? Why can't I just be normal and sleep?" "Why do I have to deal with this?"
So Im sitting here writing this blog and my freaking vision is going blurry and I know I should be TRYING to sleep instead stirring up thoughts in my head by writing. Im literally sitting on my queen sized bed, my son next to me sleeping, my cat curled up next to me on the other side and I'm in the dark staring at this computer screen… yeah that will help me fall asleep alright! Pfft. *rolls eyes* I know I should get off of here but I know as soon as I do I will just get on my iPhone and get on that evil app they call Pinterest!
I guess I should try at least, Lord knows this boy of mine will be up sometime throughout the night to have a bottle.. So really it's like a race against time to sleep! (Oh Im sure that helps my brain relax A LOT)
I hope you guys are sleeping good tonight!
Keep being warriors of your mental illness!
PEACE AND LOVE,
FROM THE BIPOLAR DIVA
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
It's A Med Head Day..
BLAH…Groggy, foggy, drowsy, sleepy and impaired. I hate having med head. I love calling it that. I actually got this term from a friend. Even my head right now is wandering and Im trying so hard to write this blog! Do you suffer from med head? I just want to go back to bed even if for just an hour.
I definitely could NOT drive a vehicle right now. It's horrible to have to deal with his because I have two boys to take care of. Being a SAHM you don't get vacation days or sick days and I NEED to be on my medication. So it brings me down mentally because I can't have normal energy but I also can't go without it. So I feel like its a catch 22. It's on of these things where I just have to make the best of it. I guess maybe thats why I have this unhealthy addiction to coffee and Diet Coke?
I have noticed if that I can sleep for even an hour or two through out the day the med will will dissipate and I can feel better and even drive a vehicle. Just remember there are always ways you can manage your disease and your medications. Nothing is worse than feeling like a zombie and having a job or kids. Remember you CAN do this though. Don't give up!
I LOVE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU!
YOU ARE WARRIORS!
I definitely could NOT drive a vehicle right now. It's horrible to have to deal with his because I have two boys to take care of. Being a SAHM you don't get vacation days or sick days and I NEED to be on my medication. So it brings me down mentally because I can't have normal energy but I also can't go without it. So I feel like its a catch 22. It's on of these things where I just have to make the best of it. I guess maybe thats why I have this unhealthy addiction to coffee and Diet Coke?
I have noticed if that I can sleep for even an hour or two through out the day the med will will dissipate and I can feel better and even drive a vehicle. Just remember there are always ways you can manage your disease and your medications. Nothing is worse than feeling like a zombie and having a job or kids. Remember you CAN do this though. Don't give up!
I LOVE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU!
YOU ARE WARRIORS!
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Nothing Angers Me More Than...
Someone telling me or ANYONE to just "GET OVER IT" I mean how dare you! I need to vent about this because not only have I been told this by friends, family and even complete strangers and nothing angers me more! Literally how dare you in your right mind tell someone with a debilitating disease to just get over it. Would you tell someone with Cancer to just get over it?? Would you tell someone wheel chair bound to just get up and walk?? NO.
Just because you can't physically see our disability with your eyes doesn't mean it's not there. It's known as an {Invisible Disease/Invisible Illness} We still suffer from it EVERYDAY! Some are stronger than others and some it consumes and ends their life. So make sure you figure out your words and think about what to say before you ask or talk to someone who has a mental illness because you NEVER know what will affect them. You will never know if that person just tried to commit suicide the night before, or if this person will go home and cut themselves because of YOUR comment to relieve the pressure of whats inside them, or a young woman who will go home and make herself vomit up her meal to fit into society in her HEAD. Or someone (who like myself years ago) will take more pills than they should to just dull the pain and just be able to FEEL like they are floating and weightless of their problems.. but that ONE time might be the LAST time because it might be one pill too many.
Mental Illness is REAL it's not a stigma or fake.. So please be aware of it and support someone who suffers from it because you don't know how badly we just want someone who will have our backs and be in our corner!
Until next time Warriors.. Remember I'M IN YOUR CORNER AND I SUPPORT YOU!
Just because you can't physically see our disability with your eyes doesn't mean it's not there. It's known as an {Invisible Disease/Invisible Illness} We still suffer from it EVERYDAY! Some are stronger than others and some it consumes and ends their life. So make sure you figure out your words and think about what to say before you ask or talk to someone who has a mental illness because you NEVER know what will affect them. You will never know if that person just tried to commit suicide the night before, or if this person will go home and cut themselves because of YOUR comment to relieve the pressure of whats inside them, or a young woman who will go home and make herself vomit up her meal to fit into society in her HEAD. Or someone (who like myself years ago) will take more pills than they should to just dull the pain and just be able to FEEL like they are floating and weightless of their problems.. but that ONE time might be the LAST time because it might be one pill too many.
Mental Illness is REAL it's not a stigma or fake.. So please be aware of it and support someone who suffers from it because you don't know how badly we just want someone who will have our backs and be in our corner!
Until next time Warriors.. Remember I'M IN YOUR CORNER AND I SUPPORT YOU!
Monday, January 27, 2014
Manic Monday
So it really is a manic Monday for me.. don't let that title fool you. I have on my music (earbuds) yup.. my drug of choice and I am blaring B.o.B. "Out Of My Mind" It's basically my theme song. If you haven't heard of it.. I HIGHLY recommend it if you are bipolar. Make sure to see the lyric video. <-- there goes my brain again. Ok.. BACK ON TOPIC..
Manic Monday, yes! I feel SO energized on such little sleep. I am cleaning like crazy. Maybe my name should be Molly. I could be Molly maid service. I have vacuumed, swept, mopped, and now I am feeling the need to do the kitchen. I should probably windex that sliding glass door too! Oh crap, did I forget to vacuum the floor boards?
Ever have one of those manic days where you are going 100mph physically, mentally and verbally. I am sure I will be crashing soon, I just don't know when. It can be scary to crash and not know when or how hard you will crash. So I just try to take advantage of the "high" and clean as much as I can because before I know it I will be in a mania phase and I will laid out on the couch with my kleenex box like Im watching the movie Titanic and not wanting to clean.
Well that's all the time I have right now to write to you amazing, beautiful and PRICELESS people.. but I gotta get back to cleaning because Im noticing my legs are twitching.
Until next time Mental Warriors!
KEEP FIGHTING!
Manic Monday, yes! I feel SO energized on such little sleep. I am cleaning like crazy. Maybe my name should be Molly. I could be Molly maid service. I have vacuumed, swept, mopped, and now I am feeling the need to do the kitchen. I should probably windex that sliding glass door too! Oh crap, did I forget to vacuum the floor boards?
Ever have one of those manic days where you are going 100mph physically, mentally and verbally. I am sure I will be crashing soon, I just don't know when. It can be scary to crash and not know when or how hard you will crash. So I just try to take advantage of the "high" and clean as much as I can because before I know it I will be in a mania phase and I will laid out on the couch with my kleenex box like Im watching the movie Titanic and not wanting to clean.
Well that's all the time I have right now to write to you amazing, beautiful and PRICELESS people.. but I gotta get back to cleaning because Im noticing my legs are twitching.
Until next time Mental Warriors!
KEEP FIGHTING!
Sunday, January 26, 2014
Turn off switch anyone?
So here it is 6:20am I am still groggy and drugged up from my medication I took last night. Everyone in the house is still asleep but I am wide awake and writing my blog. I would love to be back in my warm bed right now fast asleep dreaming, but unfortunately my brain will not allow that. I am already thinking of Christmas tree's for next year! <--- what?! 0_o Or what I will be doing today, I need to clean my car, vacuum the living room, Possibly taking my son to the bookstore (he loves the trains and blocks there)
I wish more than anything there was a light switch for our brains. I know people with anxiety our poor minds wander so much it's insane! <-- I use that term loosely. I know with my brain it can wander so much I can get so frustrated it can put me into a panic attack because all I want is for it to turn off. Do you know how it feels to just want your brain to turn off for at least just FIVE minutes?! You realize you have NO control over yourself and it's scary and depressing. Our brains can switch thoughts so fast onto something different and something so bizarre!
So here I am.. 6:40 now, STILL writing my blog, having coffee and yes (listening to my music) So instead of dreading being exhausted and not in bed sleeping I might as well enjoy the quietness of the house before the madness starts of my two boys.
I hope that when your mind wanders you can find a way to turn it off at least just for a little bit, these are some techniques my therapist has suggested.
1. Counting to 10 (erasing the numbers on a blackboard)
2. Music
3. Actually telling yourself to stop out loud
4. Visualizing yourself somewhere peaceful. Feeling the warmth of the sun on your skin, feeling the grass your sitting on, hearing the water fall, the birds sing. (be very detailed)
Keep trying! Don't give up!
Always remember…. Be Your Own Mental Warrior!
Until next time friends.. I will have my coffee and enjoy the peacefulness until the madness begins.
I wish more than anything there was a light switch for our brains. I know people with anxiety our poor minds wander so much it's insane! <-- I use that term loosely. I know with my brain it can wander so much I can get so frustrated it can put me into a panic attack because all I want is for it to turn off. Do you know how it feels to just want your brain to turn off for at least just FIVE minutes?! You realize you have NO control over yourself and it's scary and depressing. Our brains can switch thoughts so fast onto something different and something so bizarre!
So here I am.. 6:40 now, STILL writing my blog, having coffee and yes (listening to my music) So instead of dreading being exhausted and not in bed sleeping I might as well enjoy the quietness of the house before the madness starts of my two boys.
I hope that when your mind wanders you can find a way to turn it off at least just for a little bit, these are some techniques my therapist has suggested.
1. Counting to 10 (erasing the numbers on a blackboard)
2. Music
3. Actually telling yourself to stop out loud
4. Visualizing yourself somewhere peaceful. Feeling the warmth of the sun on your skin, feeling the grass your sitting on, hearing the water fall, the birds sing. (be very detailed)
Keep trying! Don't give up!
Always remember…. Be Your Own Mental Warrior!
Until next time friends.. I will have my coffee and enjoy the peacefulness until the madness begins.
Saturday, January 25, 2014
Whats music do for you?
What's your favorite type of music? I can go from Metal, to Rock, pop to hip hop. (yes I can get crunk when no on is looking) I guess that would be during one of my manic episodes. I firmly believe that music is therapy for the soul and can help with words when we can't find the meaning to something we need to say or the meaning to feelings we can't express.
I have noticed sometimes I can get extremely frustrated if I can't listen to my music when I need/want too. So is it true.. is music a drug?? If so I guess music would be a drug of choice for me. There are days, well lets be honest.. there are NUMEROUS times throughout the day I need to put my headphones on and tune out the world and just close my eyes and the let the music go through me and just move my body. Or there are times I can relate to a song so much at that exact moment I can't stop the tears flowing. Nothing else makes me feel free and escape this world of the mental prison i'm in (unless its my xanax) I guess what Im trying to say is.. You don't necessarily NEED the drugs to make you feel good or feel like you can escape. Some read, some run or dance. You just need to find what works for YOU. Not everyone is the same. My non drug escape is my music. I literally have my iPhone attached to me with headphones in my pocket because I never know when I will need that "fix"
Use your music to help you at your darkest times to help you crawl out of that hole. Use it to make you feel powerful. To help you get through the day. Find a favorite band or a favorite artist that you can relate to. Music is an extremely powerful art form in society. Use it to your advantage.
So whether you need a good cry, to feel powerful, sexy or you just need or want to feel bootylicious do it with confidence and hold your head high! I know I do.. I get crunk!
Time to go down to electric avenue…
Until next time. Be your own mental health warrior.
I have noticed sometimes I can get extremely frustrated if I can't listen to my music when I need/want too. So is it true.. is music a drug?? If so I guess music would be a drug of choice for me. There are days, well lets be honest.. there are NUMEROUS times throughout the day I need to put my headphones on and tune out the world and just close my eyes and the let the music go through me and just move my body. Or there are times I can relate to a song so much at that exact moment I can't stop the tears flowing. Nothing else makes me feel free and escape this world of the mental prison i'm in (unless its my xanax) I guess what Im trying to say is.. You don't necessarily NEED the drugs to make you feel good or feel like you can escape. Some read, some run or dance. You just need to find what works for YOU. Not everyone is the same. My non drug escape is my music. I literally have my iPhone attached to me with headphones in my pocket because I never know when I will need that "fix"
Use your music to help you at your darkest times to help you crawl out of that hole. Use it to make you feel powerful. To help you get through the day. Find a favorite band or a favorite artist that you can relate to. Music is an extremely powerful art form in society. Use it to your advantage.
So whether you need a good cry, to feel powerful, sexy or you just need or want to feel bootylicious do it with confidence and hold your head high! I know I do.. I get crunk!
Time to go down to electric avenue…
Until next time. Be your own mental health warrior.
Friday, January 24, 2014
I guess I should introduce myself
I'm gonna be a honest here. I've had so many blogs in the past.. but I have never followed through with them or I had to sensor myself on what to say and how to say it. So now Im going to do a blog on something near and dear to me. Mental Health. I suffer from BiPolar, severe anxiety and OCD. Yup.. I have THREE! Now you're probably "wow.. does she go to therapy?" Yes.. I do. Four times a month! I also see a psychiatrist and I am on FIVE medications!
Even with all that I am a mom to boys! (a 3 year old and a 5 month old) a SAHM and a business owner on the side. I run my own Dog Training company. I have been a certified dog trainer for 2 years now and I love every minute of it. It's not nearly as stressful as being an army wife.. that's for sure.
I am going to wind down on this blog entry because low and behold my wonderful medications are kicking in and the screen is going blurry which means I need to get my medicated ass to bed! <--- If my language offends you maybe this is the blog for you.. but heck who doesn't swear?? If you don't Im sure you hear it on a regular basis from other people in this world.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this entry. It will be the first of many and I truly hope you will "like" this blog and follow it. I promise you I will be dedicated to this and do my best to make sure others know they are not alone who suffer from mental health issues. I hope to make my posts, quirky, fun and sometimes they will be a smack in the face of realistic issues I deal with on my lowest of lows. I want to share them with YOU.
Good night Warriors and keep fighting in your life with whatever you are dealing with!
Much Love
Ellen
Even with all that I am a mom to boys! (a 3 year old and a 5 month old) a SAHM and a business owner on the side. I run my own Dog Training company. I have been a certified dog trainer for 2 years now and I love every minute of it. It's not nearly as stressful as being an army wife.. that's for sure.
I am going to wind down on this blog entry because low and behold my wonderful medications are kicking in and the screen is going blurry which means I need to get my medicated ass to bed! <--- If my language offends you maybe this is the blog for you.. but heck who doesn't swear?? If you don't Im sure you hear it on a regular basis from other people in this world.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this entry. It will be the first of many and I truly hope you will "like" this blog and follow it. I promise you I will be dedicated to this and do my best to make sure others know they are not alone who suffer from mental health issues. I hope to make my posts, quirky, fun and sometimes they will be a smack in the face of realistic issues I deal with on my lowest of lows. I want to share them with YOU.
Good night Warriors and keep fighting in your life with whatever you are dealing with!
Much Love
Ellen
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