It's almost 10pm and I'm awake. I'm exhausted and I want to sleep but my brain will not turn off once again! My 5 month old is fast asleep next to me and I know I should be doing the same but I can't. I get so frustrated when my body is exhausted but my brain refuses to slow down for the night and just let me get some peace and quiet. These new meds I'm on are suppose to help me with this, but I'm not seeing a difference.. I know it's only been 2 1/2 weeks but I should being something, anything! I'm desperate.
There are nights I could literally cry because I just want to sleep. Do you know how it feels to just go days without sleeping but you physically can't? It's pure torture on your mind, body and emotions. It almost makes you hate yourself more because now you are saying to yourself "Why me? Why can't I just be normal and sleep?" "Why do I have to deal with this?"
So Im sitting here writing this blog and my freaking vision is going blurry and I know I should be TRYING to sleep instead stirring up thoughts in my head by writing. Im literally sitting on my queen sized bed, my son next to me sleeping, my cat curled up next to me on the other side and I'm in the dark staring at this computer screen… yeah that will help me fall asleep alright! Pfft. *rolls eyes* I know I should get off of here but I know as soon as I do I will just get on my iPhone and get on that evil app they call Pinterest!
I guess I should try at least, Lord knows this boy of mine will be up sometime throughout the night to have a bottle.. So really it's like a race against time to sleep! (Oh Im sure that helps my brain relax A LOT)
I hope you guys are sleeping good tonight!
Keep being warriors of your mental illness!
PEACE AND LOVE,
FROM THE BIPOLAR DIVA
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