Yesterday was one of those days where I completely shut down and I didn't want to do anything. It was a rough morning and it led to my emotions snow balling out of control later in the day. I sat down during my sons speech therapy and I felt extremely low and depressed. I couldn't get any lower and I started to reflect on people and stuff in my life. What do I expect from others? What do I expect from myself in my life? I think yesterday I truly reached a breaking point with people and things in and around me.
It was something I needed! I take it as a learning experience and I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason in life to teach us things.
I ended up going to a friends house whom I adore and we are growing extremely close. The her son and my son 4 wheeled and her and I baked cookies for ALL the kids! It was really fun. I came home and with my emotions from the morning I completely crashed. I locked myself in my room and went to sleep. ( I had to take an anxiety med earlier) The next thing I knew my husband was waking me up at 5:30 because I had a client at 6! I didn't want to go.. I didn't want to be alive. I didn't care if I had a client! Why would I care if I didn't even care about living anymore.. I begged him to just leave me alone and go away. I wanted to be alone with my dog. He persisted and he got me up. I am thankful he did. I made it on time to my client and we had a great breakthrough with their dog and it actually gave me some energy back. I am so truly thankful for him. If he didn't come in there and ignore my rants and raving towards him I wouldn't have accomplished what I did last night. He knows what's me and what's not me.
I really hope today is better.. It HAS to be better than yesterday!! I am still suffering from med head and I just want it to go away. I am beginning to feel so defeated by feeling this way.. It just needs to stop! I will keep fighting as hard as I can and I hope you do the same!
Keep fighting warriors!
BIPOLAR DIVA
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