Thursday, February 27, 2014
Saturday, February 22, 2014
Hey Strangers.. and Fellow Insomniacs
It's been so long since I have had the chance to write! I have been so busy with work, being a mom and just..LIFE. Once again I am suffering from insomnia tonight and unfortunately feeling like Im getting a cold. =( Which is the LAST thing on earth I need right now, considering I just got over a cold about a month ago. Another thing that makes it really crappy is that my 6 month old is sick too. It seems we got sick at the exact same time. (Go Figure) So not only am I not feeling good and tossing and turning from body aches, but I can't sleep on top of it.
So I figured I would check in and write a blog! I need to get back into the habit of writing again I have missed it. If you're reading this blog right now.. yes YOU.. join it! I need more followers to spread awareness about bipolar and how we CAN live with it and overcome our really low days. It would be SO much more exciting if I was sitting in the dark, with insomnia writing a blog with hundreds of followers. I dream of that day. I want nothing more than to help others and be a beacon in your storms. You aren't alone in your battles.. people all around the world are going through their own. We need to stand together and become an army.. be WARRIORS and defeat mental illness as a whole.
With that said it's time I try to get to sleep before my wee one wakes up for a bottle.
Be back soon my friends! Until then…
Be your own WARRIOR!
So I figured I would check in and write a blog! I need to get back into the habit of writing again I have missed it. If you're reading this blog right now.. yes YOU.. join it! I need more followers to spread awareness about bipolar and how we CAN live with it and overcome our really low days. It would be SO much more exciting if I was sitting in the dark, with insomnia writing a blog with hundreds of followers. I dream of that day. I want nothing more than to help others and be a beacon in your storms. You aren't alone in your battles.. people all around the world are going through their own. We need to stand together and become an army.. be WARRIORS and defeat mental illness as a whole.
With that said it's time I try to get to sleep before my wee one wakes up for a bottle.
Be back soon my friends! Until then…
Be your own WARRIOR!
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Make time for YOU
Life can get busy, and hectic and fall into a pattern and a schedule. One thing you have to remember is you need a break. You need YOU time. You need to to rejuvenate not only your body but your mind as well. Especially if you are suffering from some type of mood disorder its good every now and then to just let your brain relax and calm down.
In your YOU time you can go to Barnes and noble, get a coffee and read a book, get a massage, get your nails done, or hair cut. Even doing something to better your physical appearance will make your self esteem sky rocket! You could even take a nap, play in the park with your pup. Whatever you do.. just make sure it's what YOU want to do. We all get so lost in the hustle bustle of real life work and home life we always forget to just make sure we are taken care of and that our needs are met.
If you are too the point you are taking on too much and feeling completely overwhelmed take a step back, evaluate your situation. Don't take on too many tasks that will drown you mentally and emotionally. It will NOT help you in anyway, it will only make it worse. Pace yourself and do what workload feels comfortable for you and ONLY you. Don't compare yourself or worry yourself with anyone else. Life isn't a competition.
What Im trying to say is.. pace your work load, make time for you in between so you can recharge your mental battery and have YOU time! Don't wear yourself so thin to the point of a breakdown. Stop it before it even starts. You have the power to do that.
Now go start making a list of all the things you would want to do for yourself and keep them nearby so when you need them.. USE THEM!
Until next time… Be your own warrior!
Much love,
BiPolar Diva
In your YOU time you can go to Barnes and noble, get a coffee and read a book, get a massage, get your nails done, or hair cut. Even doing something to better your physical appearance will make your self esteem sky rocket! You could even take a nap, play in the park with your pup. Whatever you do.. just make sure it's what YOU want to do. We all get so lost in the hustle bustle of real life work and home life we always forget to just make sure we are taken care of and that our needs are met.
If you are too the point you are taking on too much and feeling completely overwhelmed take a step back, evaluate your situation. Don't take on too many tasks that will drown you mentally and emotionally. It will NOT help you in anyway, it will only make it worse. Pace yourself and do what workload feels comfortable for you and ONLY you. Don't compare yourself or worry yourself with anyone else. Life isn't a competition.
What Im trying to say is.. pace your work load, make time for you in between so you can recharge your mental battery and have YOU time! Don't wear yourself so thin to the point of a breakdown. Stop it before it even starts. You have the power to do that.
Now go start making a list of all the things you would want to do for yourself and keep them nearby so when you need them.. USE THEM!
Until next time… Be your own warrior!
Much love,
BiPolar Diva
Monday, February 10, 2014
Feeling Liberated
Yesterday I knew I need a fresh start…I was looking at shoulder length cuts with layers and then I decided nope. Im going to chop it off! ALL of it! I ended up cutting off 13 inches and I am going to be donating it.
My hair was down to the middle of my back and decided I wanted an edgier (punk) look and a bob/layer look. I absolutely love and and I feel so much lighter. It feels so liberating and I feel like a new me is coming out.. So watch out world! ;)
I am glad I decided to donate it because 13 inches is A LOT and I want my new beginning to be someone else's too!
Much love
BIPOLAR DIVA
Thursday, February 6, 2014
Check In...
I just wanted to check in with everyone and let you know I am still alive and well after my attack I had. I did go see my Psychologist and she immediately called my Psychiatrist and they adjusted some medication and hopefully it will help.
My nerves are still on edge and I am still coming down from the panic attack and feeling very fragile but all in all doing ok. I have an appointment tomorrow again with my psychologist to check in and make sure Im alright for the week before I see her again.
If at anytime you feel like hurting yourself or you feel you have no one and you are going down hill you need to admit yourself. There is no shame in taking a break from life and just resting your body and mind. Sometimes we all need a break from reality or our lives to just rest and relax.
I hope you are continuing to fight and be a strong warrior against your mental demons! Remember if you are having a bad day.. it's just a bad day.. NOT a bad life!
MUCH LOVE
BIPOLAR DIVA
My nerves are still on edge and I am still coming down from the panic attack and feeling very fragile but all in all doing ok. I have an appointment tomorrow again with my psychologist to check in and make sure Im alright for the week before I see her again.
If at anytime you feel like hurting yourself or you feel you have no one and you are going down hill you need to admit yourself. There is no shame in taking a break from life and just resting your body and mind. Sometimes we all need a break from reality or our lives to just rest and relax.
I hope you are continuing to fight and be a strong warrior against your mental demons! Remember if you are having a bad day.. it's just a bad day.. NOT a bad life!
MUCH LOVE
BIPOLAR DIVA
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Don't ever self destruct
Last night was horrible for me, emotionally painful and scary. I haven't felt suicidal in 5 years but it came back last night with a vengeance. It started a very emotional day as it was and I think all those emotions and every event just snow balled into each other and lead into a panic attack.
I called my husband at 5pm when I was leaving a client's house (yes I managed to see a client) I couldn't fight it anymore, I was lost, hopeless, drowning in depression and crying… I was lonely. I told him I just can't do it anymore. I can't be a mom, I can't be a wife, Im a horrible friend, (my best friend is upset with me) I guess I should also point out that my husband and I were fighting that day as well.. so I felt doubly rejected when I needed people the most and I had NO ONE. Who can or do you to turn too when the two most important people in your life won't talk too you and you want to die?? They are suppose to be the ones who talk you out of it.. but I had no one. So I felt ok.. no one will care I can do it this time. The boys will be fine, They can live with grandma and be happy as clams, no more crazy mom who yells or cries all the time.
I managed to get home without driving off a bridge or crashing into a light pole and I just collapsed onto the floor and lost it. Crying, shaking, couldn't breathe, I felt I was dying (panic attack) My husband held me. When You have a panic attack and someone you love is near have them hold you EXTREMELY tight.. it helps make the panic attack go away faster.
I managed to calm down enough and I called my Psychologist who advised me to take my anxiety and sleep meds to basically calm my nerves and knock my ass out for the night. I will be seeing her first thing this morning. She said if that didn't work I needed to get my butt to the hospital and she would meet me there. Thankful with the help of my husband, her and the meds I am still home and doing better this morning. I am still very frail this morning and feeling on edge but all in all ok.
The reason I wanted to share this with ALL of you is because I know so many people suffer from type of mental illness and want to commit suicide. Thousands of people commit suicide all the time. Please don't let yourself self destruct. If you ever feel the way I did.. GET HELP! Don't be alone.. being alone is the worst possible thing you can do.. you need to be WITH others who can keep an eye on you. Or if you can't be with others please go immediately to the ER and admit yourself. Don't give into the demons in your head.. You are a warrior who has to keep fighting! Your story isn't over yet! It may seem really really bad… but it won't last forever!
This too shall pass…..
Much Love as always!
BIPOLAR DIVA
I called my husband at 5pm when I was leaving a client's house (yes I managed to see a client) I couldn't fight it anymore, I was lost, hopeless, drowning in depression and crying… I was lonely. I told him I just can't do it anymore. I can't be a mom, I can't be a wife, Im a horrible friend, (my best friend is upset with me) I guess I should also point out that my husband and I were fighting that day as well.. so I felt doubly rejected when I needed people the most and I had NO ONE. Who can or do you to turn too when the two most important people in your life won't talk too you and you want to die?? They are suppose to be the ones who talk you out of it.. but I had no one. So I felt ok.. no one will care I can do it this time. The boys will be fine, They can live with grandma and be happy as clams, no more crazy mom who yells or cries all the time.
I managed to get home without driving off a bridge or crashing into a light pole and I just collapsed onto the floor and lost it. Crying, shaking, couldn't breathe, I felt I was dying (panic attack) My husband held me. When You have a panic attack and someone you love is near have them hold you EXTREMELY tight.. it helps make the panic attack go away faster.
I managed to calm down enough and I called my Psychologist who advised me to take my anxiety and sleep meds to basically calm my nerves and knock my ass out for the night. I will be seeing her first thing this morning. She said if that didn't work I needed to get my butt to the hospital and she would meet me there. Thankful with the help of my husband, her and the meds I am still home and doing better this morning. I am still very frail this morning and feeling on edge but all in all ok.
The reason I wanted to share this with ALL of you is because I know so many people suffer from type of mental illness and want to commit suicide. Thousands of people commit suicide all the time. Please don't let yourself self destruct. If you ever feel the way I did.. GET HELP! Don't be alone.. being alone is the worst possible thing you can do.. you need to be WITH others who can keep an eye on you. Or if you can't be with others please go immediately to the ER and admit yourself. Don't give into the demons in your head.. You are a warrior who has to keep fighting! Your story isn't over yet! It may seem really really bad… but it won't last forever!
This too shall pass…..
Much Love as always!
BIPOLAR DIVA
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
No Motivation Monday
Yesterday was one of those days where I completely shut down and I didn't want to do anything. It was a rough morning and it led to my emotions snow balling out of control later in the day. I sat down during my sons speech therapy and I felt extremely low and depressed. I couldn't get any lower and I started to reflect on people and stuff in my life. What do I expect from others? What do I expect from myself in my life? I think yesterday I truly reached a breaking point with people and things in and around me.
It was something I needed! I take it as a learning experience and I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason in life to teach us things.
I ended up going to a friends house whom I adore and we are growing extremely close. The her son and my son 4 wheeled and her and I baked cookies for ALL the kids! It was really fun. I came home and with my emotions from the morning I completely crashed. I locked myself in my room and went to sleep. ( I had to take an anxiety med earlier) The next thing I knew my husband was waking me up at 5:30 because I had a client at 6! I didn't want to go.. I didn't want to be alive. I didn't care if I had a client! Why would I care if I didn't even care about living anymore.. I begged him to just leave me alone and go away. I wanted to be alone with my dog. He persisted and he got me up. I am thankful he did. I made it on time to my client and we had a great breakthrough with their dog and it actually gave me some energy back. I am so truly thankful for him. If he didn't come in there and ignore my rants and raving towards him I wouldn't have accomplished what I did last night. He knows what's me and what's not me.
I really hope today is better.. It HAS to be better than yesterday!! I am still suffering from med head and I just want it to go away. I am beginning to feel so defeated by feeling this way.. It just needs to stop! I will keep fighting as hard as I can and I hope you do the same!
Keep fighting warriors!
BIPOLAR DIVA
It was something I needed! I take it as a learning experience and I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason in life to teach us things.
I ended up going to a friends house whom I adore and we are growing extremely close. The her son and my son 4 wheeled and her and I baked cookies for ALL the kids! It was really fun. I came home and with my emotions from the morning I completely crashed. I locked myself in my room and went to sleep. ( I had to take an anxiety med earlier) The next thing I knew my husband was waking me up at 5:30 because I had a client at 6! I didn't want to go.. I didn't want to be alive. I didn't care if I had a client! Why would I care if I didn't even care about living anymore.. I begged him to just leave me alone and go away. I wanted to be alone with my dog. He persisted and he got me up. I am thankful he did. I made it on time to my client and we had a great breakthrough with their dog and it actually gave me some energy back. I am so truly thankful for him. If he didn't come in there and ignore my rants and raving towards him I wouldn't have accomplished what I did last night. He knows what's me and what's not me.
I really hope today is better.. It HAS to be better than yesterday!! I am still suffering from med head and I just want it to go away. I am beginning to feel so defeated by feeling this way.. It just needs to stop! I will keep fighting as hard as I can and I hope you do the same!
Keep fighting warriors!
BIPOLAR DIVA
Saturday, February 1, 2014
Always try to find the positive
I have terrible med head once again.. =/ I have to be at work in an hour to help out with volunteers and then I have a group training class. (Something new I started at the shelter) Im struggling to get out of bed this morning. I am so nice and warm under the covers and snuggling up next to my boxer is just amazing. I know what I need to do is just focus on the POSITIVE things for the day and invite the excitement find its way in. 1. First group class. 2. I have a client coming to see how I work with dogs and wanting to possibly adopt a new playmate or their dog and sign up for MORE classes for both dogs. and 3. Going to the shelter and doing what I love to do.. Training and just being around dogs. If you are struggling to get out of bed and even start your day because you are feeling overwhelmed you need to try your hardest to focus on the positives of the day and get your excitement up for that. It's not always easy, but it's always worth a try.
It's a short blog today but I must get ready to start my day. ( I need to get a HUGE coffee on my way to work because of this darn med head) and I have to bundle up.. It's cold today.
Until next time.. be a your own mental warrior! Fight and don't give up!! YOU CAN DO THIS!
BiPolar Diva.
<3
It's a short blog today but I must get ready to start my day. ( I need to get a HUGE coffee on my way to work because of this darn med head) and I have to bundle up.. It's cold today.
Until next time.. be a your own mental warrior! Fight and don't give up!! YOU CAN DO THIS!
BiPolar Diva.
<3
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