I am currently seeing two doctors One is a Psychologist and one is a Psychiatrist. The psychiatrist has prescribed SEVEN medications. Really?! I feel like every time I open my cabinet I run a pharmacy. I really feel like its beginning to take a toll on me. I am drowsy non stop, I just want to sleep every single day, all day long. I have noticed that I am gaining weight and also crying over every little thing. There is no in between with my emotions. I can get a compliment and I will immediately start bawling my eyes out.
Since starting this new medication I have seen my psychologist twice on emergency visits and I have almost needed to go to the hospital not once but twice due to panic attacks/suicidal thoughts. So I ask… How is this medication helping? I am feeling so defeated and run down. Is this my life? Is this how I am destined to live, non stop rages, non stop crying, non stop sleeping, non stop wanting to die? How could someone not want to kill themselves dealing with that 24/7? I am trying to be strong for the sake of my two little boys because I know they need a mother, but lets be real how much of a mother am I being right now? Constant yelling, constant crying, almost being admitted twice. This is NOT the mother I want to be. I wish I had a fairy godmother who could wave her magic wand and bippity boppity boo this shit gone! ALL of it. So I could just be normal. I haven't been normal in so many years I don't even know what it feels like anymore.
I have realized this is too much. I have an appt with my Psychiatrist this morning to seriously sit down and talk about this pharmacy of medications Im on. It's apparent they aren't working and I need something else, before A) I end up in the hospital or B) I try to commit suicide. They need to take this seriously. A person can only take so much of something before we break.
I know I need a service dog and we are on the ball with that and getting all the paperwork done, maybe my life will be better with the aide of the Psychiatric dog, but please pray or send positive thoughts about my medications. My poor brain has been through enough.
